Q: What's the difference between Eddie Cochran and Roberto di Matteo?
A: None, as both seem unable to find a cure for the Summertime / Royal Blues.
Maybe the solution to Schalke's problem is not a coach in a smart silk suit, but signing players who are more flexible and can play any position on the football pitch. The technical term for such a player is 'sket',
at least if you believe Queens Park Rangers' central back Rio Ferdinand, formerly Manchester United. Rio used the word to reply to a comment from another user on Twitter, which he posted on his own account.
The entire exchange read:
@ManCunian56: @rioferdy5 @matiousmarston
Maybe QPR will sign a good central back, they need one"
> get your mum in, plays the field well, son! #sket".
To his surprise, he was charged for using offensive and inappropriate language by the Football Association who followed the definition of 'sket' provided by the Collins dictionary (sket: British, derogatory, slang - a promiscuous girl or woman) and an independent regulatory commission was established to hear the case.
According to the written reasons to punish him, which were published on Wednesday, Ferdinand's solicitors had provided evidence to the independent regulatory commission explaining their client's position that he simply meant the Twitter user's mother could play any position on the football pitch.
The written reasons state: "The letter from his solicitors explains that the #sket was being used to indicate that the 'mum' was able to play anywhere, including the centre-back position in which the original sender had apparently claimed Mr. Ferdinand needed to be replaced. It was not a comment intended to insult the recipient's mother. Given the nature of the preceding comment, namely "get ya mum in, plays the field well son!", the Regulatory Commission rejects Mr. Ferdinand's explanation."
As a result Rio Ferdinand was banned for three games, fined £25,000 and has to attend a relevant education programme. Hang on! I am a qualified equality & diversity representative, so I could do that, food included. I would even offer Rio chocolate ice for dessert (check that for hidden offensive language, please!).
Rio Ferdinand. What a twit-ter!