Dear Fussballenglisch Fans
You may know what 'the false 9' is but do you know 'the 7'? If not, here's how Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho explained it in the Independent on 9 August after signing former Arsenal hero Ces Fabregas from Barcelona:
"We want to give the next dimension to our game in midfield, and Fabregas is this kind of player which I like to call 'the 7', because he's not 'the 6' and he's not 'the 8'. Normally 'the 7' is the winger, I also call 'the 7' the guy in midfield who's not 'the 6', he's not 'the 8'. Or he's a 6 and 8 at the same time. So he's a 7 and we need him a lot."
Any questions? Call Jose on 7777 888666 or - if you are in London on 17 September - talk to him directly at Stamford Bridge when the Royal Blues play Jose's team.
At least Jose is still the Chelsea supporters' hero, unlike our former manager Felix Magath, who used to cycle to Fulham's training sessions in Fulham but is now more likely to move in an armoured car and a police escort after losing the first four matches of the season. He was also not too shy to blame the former owner of Fulham (and Harrods) who - according to Felix - had sold too many good players, and to remind the Fulham fans what a good and successful manager he was. According to himself he is not The Special One (like Mourino) but The Only One who can bring success to Fulham. He is simply still Ful of Hamself.
To change the subject completely, here's a tip for you: If you live near Dortmund and have access to a lorry or van, go to Dortmund when Germany play Scotland on Sunday. Last time in October 2003 about 10,000 Scots flocked to Dortmund's city centre, bought 10 million crates of beer and drank it. Most of the crates were left when the jolly Scots made their way to the stadium. So just pick them up, take them to Real, Netto or Aldi, and make lots of money. I would like 10% commission, please.
Hopefully the police in Dortmund will hand out the same leaflets to the Scottish supporters as 11 years ago. I quote:
Dear Scottish fans
We would like to give you some advice which will help you to make your stay even more enjoyable ... we will not accept any kind of disorder or crime! Please note that the German police have the right to take you into preventative custody (vorbeugender Gewahrsam) to avoid crimes, even if you haven't committed one (yet) ...
With the very best wishes for a pleasant match and fair play.
With the very best wishes for a pleasant week.