THE HITCHHIKER`S GUIDE THROUGH THE VELTINS ARENA
Cheers! Beeing lucky enough of living pretty close to the Veltins-Arena I have been asked the other day why the hell I joined the SCHALKE FANCLUB UK and not some German fanclub from my area instead. Yeah well… I always liked the country, their clubs, their music, even their beer, well most of it. I can speak one or two words in their language, I have been there quite often before and I know some people from over there, too. And when I told the Klitschko-Brothers about it… that was the day I found out that UK does not stand for Ukraine.
What can you do? Probably the same the Scots and the Irish had to do: simply try to cope with all the Englishmen. But anyway. Once you get to know them, they`re not that bad. Not at all. Ok, you have to be quick or you won`t get any beer. But that`s fair. It`s not really different in Gelsenkirchen, to be honest. What is different around here is our special language.
Special language you say? After half a dozen pints of beer you understand every single word of Ruhrpottdeutsch anyway. But still some things remain unanswered in the thousands of mysts surrounding the FC Schalke 04, a.k.a. the horniest club in the world. What is the meaning of “wo issie nächse bierbude?“ or „wattwillsu auffe pommes?”. To help you out with all the inner secrets, to make your next visit to the Veltins Arena just simply as comfortable as possible, well… this is not the only reason for this club magazine, but it`s certainly one of them.
And here we go with the exclusive hitchhiker`s guide through the Veltins Arena…
WO ISSIE NÄCHSE BIERBUDE (wow is the nasty beer booh da)?
A very important question, if not THE most important. Luckily enough you normally don`t have to walk too far for it, but one last advice: be sure to not wear something yellow and black. You may not get served. Or even worse.
ICH MUSS DRINGEND PULLERN (Ish moose drinking pull)
Alright. Also in very urgent cases like these, the walk for some relieve is not far. And by any chance you may get to know some nice women, too. After all I´m not so sure how nice they are when you get the wrong entrance, but with a nice ALLES FIT IM SCHRITT (Are less fit in the shit) the situation is certainly saved.
WATTWILLSU AUFFE POMMES (what will Sue awful po meth)?
Another question of truth really. Be a hard man and eat your chips raw as they are? Unfortunately and still… vinegar has not proven ready for Germans. Yet.
KUMMA DATT RIESEN TEIL (cook the reason tile)!
Schalke, London, New York. Just like anywhere else on earth women love nice compliments. With that one things are looking good you won`t be spending the night alone.
HAU REIN (how rhine)!
Whether it`s the football ground, the bierbude or the police station: Being polite does count. People will appreciate it and remember you when you return next time to an unforgettable visit at the Veltins Arena.
So I do sincerely hope you got some extra help when you join us at an upcoming match of Schalke 04 in the future. And also, be sure to grab a copy of the official club magazine, the Schalker Kreisel. You should find some other extremely helpful, interesting, well researched, extremely well written and yeah, sometimes even funny column.